As teenagers grow into high school age, they naturally look to become more independent. However, while it is generally a good idea to let them have more freedom at this stage in life, a completely hands-off approach can also be problematic.
For parents looking to ensure their child’s success through high school and into life beyond, the type of parent engagement high school students need should change. Rather than life managers and administrators making executive choices in all cases, parents should aim to become mentors, supporters, and partners in their high-schooler’s journey.
Stepping back a little in this way is not disengagement. While accepting that your children are their own people is the route to a happier life going forward in many ways, parent engagement is proven by research to positively influence attendance, grades, and post-secondary futures.
Parenting through a high school education in Abu Dhabi requires a careful balance of support and guidance, but without being overbearing or making decisions for them. Of course, all people – and teenagers – are different. Some may respond better to parental guidance than others. But generally, teenagers do enjoy independence, and it will serve them well to develop some autonomy during their high school years.
Instead of making decisions and attempting to enforce them on a rebellious teenager, parents might use their life experiences, stories, and knowledge of their child to persuade them of the right choices.
For example, when it comes to homework, instead of setting exact times for work hours, allow teenagers to set their own schedule. But maybe consider teaching them some time management or planning techniques to help them keep on top of it. You can always step in more directly if you feel they aren’t stepping up.
The aim of all this is to mentor children into college and real-world adulthood, where they won’t always have parents around to make decisions for them.
A vital aspect to this is communication. If you only ever ask about grades or academic subjects, teenagers can begin to feel you’re not interested in asking personal, life questions that can be just as important to their lives.
While grades and work are obviously a key part of the high school experience, friendships, goals, hobbies and challenges are all things most teenagers will want to discuss with their parents, if you ask. Regular, relaxed conversations will always get more out of your kids about what their life is actually like, over infrequent interrogations over grades and classes.
On the academic side, consider taking a quick look over the school curriculum so you can have outside discussions with your child about anything they might find interesting or they have personal questions about.
This communication also goes both ways. Parents should be regularly communicating with the school, in order to get an unbiased, holistic perspective of how kids are getting on.
Forming a good relationship with your child’s teachers during things like parent-teacher days and sports events, is a good way to ensure you hear about any potential issues early. Of course, be mindful of overstepping and getting too involved – as rebellious-leaning teenagers might grow to resent this.
On the whole though, a united support system between parents and the school over standards and expectations, instead of conflicted messaging, is the best way to set up high school students for success.
During high school, you should try to shift some responsibility to your teenagers for their own time management. As mentioned earlier, teaching basic planning and organizational skills will go a long way here.
You should remember not to get too involved and sometimes let natural consequences occur. If you can see homework is slipping, try a gentle prod in the right direction. If that doesn’t work, let the school handle the formal consequences, and then be there to support and encourage them back on track afterwards. Some teenagers need to learn through the experience of negative outcomes, rather than simply the fear of them.
There are many successful people in this world who, for whatever reason, did not do well in high school. If your child shows keen and progressing interest in some kind of skill or extracurricular activity, you should encourage that relentlessly.
It is important to the school and to most parents that high-schoolers get the best grades possible for their abilities. But there is no more sure-fire way to put your child off working on a subject than scolding them for not being immediately good at it.
High schools following the American curriculum also offer plenty of opportunities for extracurricular activities. Making good friendships and connections, playing sports, and forming general life goals or ambitions should all be praised alongside achievements and good grades.
Providing the right support for high school students in the UAE is a true community effort. “It takes a village to raise a child” has been a common aphorism worldwide for a long time because it is true.
School online portals make it easier to track grades, talk to teachers, and see what events are going on locally within the school community than ever. Towards the end of their high school journey, job fairs and college or career planning is also something teenagers will likely appreciate parent engagement in.
Attending volunteer, PTA-style groups and events can also show your child and the school that you are actively engaged in their success – but be mindful of becoming overly present in a time when your child is learning to be independent.
All parenting styles are different, but research has proven that people who are told they did well because they put in a lot of effort and worked hard will be more motivated in a subsequent task than people who were only praised for their achievement.
For example, your teenager will likely feel better for being praised for the hard work they did to get from a C grade to an A in a subject than to be told how clever they are for getting top marks in something they find naturally easier.
The key lesson to be learned from all this is that engagement doesn’t mean control. It means being connected. If you want to learn more about our school community, there are plenty of resources that will help you get involved and connected to your child’s learning journey throughout their time in high school.
